Always grateful for the crash and burn and recovery. Grateful because the path otherwise followed would have led to some constant letloose and self slicing whatever talent might have been left. People not being their own worst enemy, but their own worst self-assassin.

Know people who never crashed, or if they crashed, somehow did not reach some pivotal moment of self-blame and self-acceptance: I put myself here. This is who I am, not who I became, and I can’t stand it anymore. First sentiment when I finally woke up, roughly a day after.

Wonder if most hardwired paths necessitate the crash and burn. Otherwise, what seems to happen is people say something along the lines of “As long as I can function, I must be OK, on balance”. Not OK at all. Alienation of everyone else still becomes everyone else’s fault. Know there must be some who aren’t screamers, and still very bent, but screaming seems to come with the territory, more often than not.

When they are forced into therapy, it seems to often (most times?) take police involvement to trigger. The crazy screamer stalker. The screaming thrower. The screaming beater.

Tried to explain to someone how this often can’t be other than some Guiding Hand, providing the Father Fitz take on choice.

She said the past is past, and the present is fleeting. All only here now for a moment, that passes. All in flow.

Yet she also spent a number of years with a screamer. Not me.

And not me now.


About brucelarochelle

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